Real-life strategies to help stressed kids feel safe

Are the pressures of schoolwork, social dynamics, or big life changes making your child feel STRESSED? From emotional outbursts to trouble sleeping, stress can show up in all kinds of ways for a variety of reasons and it can be difficult to know what to do. 

That’s why the team at Bend is here with real-life strategies to help the child in your life learn to manage stressful moments and bounce back from tough times. By opening up the conversation surrounding stress, fostering a calming environment, modeling mindfulness, and teaching coping skills, your entire family can begin to lower stress and deepen resilience. 

What are the signs of stress in kids and teens? 

While every child is different, there are some common signs of stress to look out for, including: 

• Irritability or sudden change in mood
• Changes in sleep patterns or appetite
• Having difficulty concentrating
• Feelings of restlessness 
• Withdrawing or socially isolating 
• Trouble separating from or increased dependence on caregivers 
• Physical aches or pains 
• Difficulties concentrating, even of favorite activities

Be sure to take notice when you see any changes in your child or teen. Remember, sometimes stress doesn’t shout — it whispers. The key is tuning into the small shifts that tell a bigger story. For example, maybe your child stops wanting to go to soccer practice, even though it used to be their favorite part of the week. Or they start asking to sleep in your bed again after months of independence. These little changes can be quiet signals that something deeper is going on, so consider reaching out to a mental health professional if you could use some extra support while navigating stress as a family. 

How can I help my child to feel less stressed? 

Most everyone gets stressed sometimes and kids are no different! But what do you do when you notice that your child is really feeling the pressure of stressful events like a big test or the end of a friendship? We’ve put together a list of evidence-based coping strategies that you can try together. 

• Check distractions, listen, and validate. Do your best to show up for your child by putting away distractions, like buzzing phones, and listening respectfully to what they have to say in moments of stress, without interrupting or judging them. Remember that something like trying out for the baseball team might not seem like a big deal to you, but to a kid or teen, it can be all-consuming. Instead of dismissing how your child is feeling, try to help them articulate what they are going through. You can say something like, “I hear that you are feeling ____. I’m so glad that you shared this with me.” Follow up with curious questions and let them know that they can always come to you when they are struggling. 

• Create a calming corner. Together with your child, make a special space where they can go when they feel stressed or overwhelmed and need a place to slow down. It can be any quiet space in the house, like a cozy chair or the corner of a room, and can include books, blankets, pillows, journals, headphones, and other belongings that make your child feel comfortable. Rest assured that you don’t need to buy anything to make this a calm oasis for your kiddo!
  
  
• Make time for box breathing. Breath work can be a wonderful way to lower stress levels for everyone in the family. Teach your child to picture a box that has four sides. Ask them to imagine tracing each side of the box as they breathe in for 4 seconds, moving down the other side as they hold their breath for 4 seconds, let out their breath for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, and then do it again 4 times. 

• Do a body scan together.  A body scan is a powerful mindfulness activity that your child can do anywhere and can be especially soothing before bed or in anticipation of a stressful event. It’s as simple as bringing attention to various parts of the body for around 10 to 30 seconds, moving from the top of the head to the bottom of the feet. Ask your child to notice any physical sensations like tingling, warmth, pain, pressure, or tension. You can try Bend’s free guided body scan on Spotify or Apple Music.
  
  
• Make time for movement. Being active is a great way for kids and teens to get out pent-up energy and lower stress levels. Go out in nature together for a bike ride, throw a family dance party featuring their favorite playlist, or head to the bowling alley or skating rink on a rainy day.
  
  
• Start a journaling practice. Gift your child or teen a journal of their own, along with fun pens, and let them know that this is their safe space to vent away through words or drawings. You can help them get started with prompts that encourage them to turn to the page anytime they’re feeling stressed.
  
  
• Establish a nighttime routine. Having a bedtime routine can help your child lower stress levels, wind down, and prepare for restful sleep. Try keeping a consistent bedtime and include healthy habits like a bath or shower, teeth brushing, coloring, reading, or journaling before sleep. For optimal rest, ensure your child’s bedroom is cool, quiet, and dark. You can use a white noise machine to block out distracting sounds and blackout curtains to cut down on sunlight or streetlamps.
  
  
• Create tech boundaries. Excessive screen time in kids has been linked to increased stress levels so do your best to set realistic tech limits. Agree on how much screen time your child will be allotted and consider establishing no-screen zones throughout your house in places like bedrooms and the family dinner table. We know it’s challenging, but try your best to model healthy tech habits too.

How can I feel less stressed as a caregiver? 

We know that juggling the emotional, physical, and logistical challenges of being a caregiver can be stressful work! That’s why we’re here to look at steps you can take to lessen your daily stressors.

• Prioritize your self-care. Is there something small you can do to ease your mind? Maybe taking a walk outside while the kids are at school or getting up before everyone in the house to have some quiet time to journal, read, or do some deep breathing? This can be especially hard for single parents who may feel isolated or stretched too thin, so we want to be realistic here. Maybe you can ask a fellow parent to pick your child up from school one day a week so that you can have some time to do something that you enjoy or say “no, thanks” to a commitment that is feeling overwhelming.
  
  
• Reach out for support. The next time you’re feeling stressed, can you start small by texting or calling one person? Think of who you feel the safest with and ask if they have some time to listen to what you’re going through. If you’re not looking for advice right now, feel free to say that upfront. Sometimes, just having someone that can really hear you can make a big difference. You can also take time to ask another parent how they are doing so that you feel more connected to the shared experience of caregiving. 

• Treat yourself with kindness. There is so much power in the words that we tell ourselves, so begin to notice what your inner voice is saying and challenge any harsh self-talk. You are not alone in your struggles and you deserve self-compassion. Try creating a few affirmations like, “I am enough” or “I deserve to feel calm” that you can say to yourself whenever you’re feeling stressed. 

By teaching your child coping techniques, and modeling them yourself, you’ll help them to build resilience or “bounce back” when stressful situations arise. Give yourself some grace as you try to implement these skills in your own life and reach out to the compassionate team at Bend Health if your family could use some support in navigating life’s stressful moments.