Your go-to social anxiety guide

With the holidays coming up, you may be facing more social obligations than usual. That’s why the team at Bend wants to check in and make sure you’re feeling prepared to enjoy the festivities in whatever way feels right for you! 

It’s completely normal to feel overwhelmed in social situations. But social anxiety can be emotionally taxing and can lead to isolation and loneliness, so we’ve got tips to help you feel your best and connect with others in meaningful ways. Read on for tools that you can turn to the next time you walk into a room full of people and want to run the other way. 

What is social anxiety? 

Social anxiety usually involves experiencing feelings of worry or fear in social interactions or settings. For example, you may feel anxious when walking into a large gathering, like a birthday party or a wedding, or during one-on-one interactions, like during a work meeting with your boss or while having a meal with a friend. 

Everyone is different, but you may notice that you feel excessive amounts of fear, self-consciousness, or even embarrassment when interacting with those around you. Physical signs of social anxiety can include blushing, sweating, racing heart beat, muscle tension, nausea, shaky voice, difficulty making eye contact, or lightheadedness. 

Top tips for coping with social anxiety

If you struggle with social anxiety, you may have a fear of being judged or feeling embarrassed during interactions with others. We know how painful it can be to have thoughts like, “OMG I can’t believe I said that!” or “I was so awkward at that dinner!” and you’re certainly not alone in your struggles. So many people have a tough time in social situations, so we’ve got tips and tools to help give you a quick confidence boost. 

• Begin to notice unhelpful thoughts. The next time you find yourself thinking an unhelpful thought like, “Everyone at the party is going to think I’m such a loser” take a moment to pause and challenge this narrative. Is this thought based on facts? Is there another perspective that you haven't considered? How likely is the worst-case scenario that you’re imagining? And what would you say to support a friend who is experiencing this thought? You can actually teach yourself to reframe this thought into a more helpful one like, “My friend invited me to this party because she wants me here and we always end up having a fun time together, even if I’m a little uncomfortable at first.”
  
  
• Set small, realistic goals. If you’re someone who experiences social anxiety, going to a huge, loud party might feel super overwhelming. So why not start by socializing in a way that feels less intimidating, like grabbing a cup of coffee with a couple of close friends? Maybe you could put yourself out there by introducing yourself to one new person in class or at the office? Or you could join a community group or try a new hobby. Give yourself permission to connect with others in a way that feels right for you.
  
  
• Practice breathing exercises. A simple way to get in touch with the breath and calm down quickly is to use a tool called box breathing. To practice box breathing, imagine a box that has four sides. Now inhale across one side of the “box” for four seconds, hold your breath for four seconds, and then release your breath for four seconds, hold for four seconds, and then repeat this four times again. You can use the visualization of the box to help you. You can also download a meditation app or go on YouTube if you want a more guided experience.
  
  
• Set tech boundaries. Social media can be a great way to connect with others, but if it’s our sole source of connection it can actually further feelings of isolation and loneliness. Consider setting app limits on those scroll sessions and prioritize offline activities and IRL connections with people you enjoy.
  
  
• Start a journaling practice. Gift yourself a notebook and pen and grant permission to vent away! Jot down any worries or fears that may come up surrounding socializing. Try to make this a regular habit, knowing you can turn to the page anytime you’re feeling stressed.
  
  
• Have a party plan. If you’re feeling nervous about an upcoming social obligation, consider putting a plan in place to help you feel more comfortable. Is there a friend that you can bring with you? Or someone that you can step outside and call if you need a moment to decompress?
  
  
• Build healthy habits. Eating nourishing meals, getting enough sleep, and adding movement into your day can make a big difference in how you feel and can even reduce anxiety. Make time for activities that make you feel calm, like taking a bath, spending time in nature, doing a creative project, or reading a book. 

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You deserve to have meaningful connections and feel your best around others. If you could use some support in navigating social anxiety, the team at Bend is always here.

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