How mindfulness can turn your child’s “challenging” behaviors into personal strengths

How many times a week do you find yourself asking your child or teen to focus on their homework or to actually finish cleaning their disaster of a room? It takes A LOT of patience to remind them time and time again to stay on task, and if you are anything like me, you’re probably pretty sick of hearing yourself say the same things over and over again. 

It’s easy to forget that we adults have years of practice learning how to focus our attention in the right way and, even still, no one is perfect. While some people are born with a naturally focused disposition, others need to work a little harder to make it a strength. That’s where mindfulness tools and techniques come into play.

So how in the world do you break out of this cycle and actually help your child or teen turn their most challenging behaviors into personal strengths? Turns out mindfulness could be a game changer for the entire family. 

Mindfulness for real, messy lives 

Mindfulness is simply the practice of learning to pay attention to the present moment with acceptance and curiosity. Children of all ages and abilities can benefit from learning to bring a gentle, open attitude to the present moment. Studies show that it can help them to improve focus, become more organized, and can lessen anxiety and stress. 

If the idea of your child sitting on a meditation cushion, completely blissed out, and repeating a mantra seems ridiculous, you’ll be happy to know that we’ve got a more realistic approach in mind. Mindfulness doesn’t have to be complicated, and you better believe it can be as messy as the bottom of your kiddo’s closet. 

Mindfulness is really just a shortcut to help you switch gears from one activity to another, which can increase the ability to stay present, multi-task, and more easily transition from one thing to another . 

There are two types of mindfulness: formal and informal. Formal practices typically focus on breath work, while informal mindfulness exercises are as simple as the practice of focusing on redirecting attention back to the current moment. By calmly acknowledging and radically accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, your child or teen can learn to transform behavior that makes them self-conscious into skills that bring a lifetime of confidence.

How to bring mindfulness into your home 

By teaching your child or teen about mindfulness tools, you’re providing a solid foundation for them to grow into more accepting, compassionate adults. Not only will they be more aware of the present moment, but they’ll also have access to healthy habits that they can return to again and again when life gets stressful. 

Okay, all that sounds great, but how do you actually bring mindfulness into your daily life? That’s where mindfulness tools and techniques come into play. Give some of these a try to see if they work for you and your child. 

Mindfulness activities and tools for younger children:

• Blow bubbles. This can be a great way to peacefully drop into the moment and check in on how your child is doing. 
• Play freeze dance. Put on their favorite songs and encourage everyone to move their bodies and “freeze” whenever the music stops. 
• Go on a sensory scavenger hunt. The next time you’re out for a walk, just hanging out in the kitchen, or going for a drive, try out a sensory scavenger hunt. Ask your child to name one thing they hear, one thing they see, one thing they smell, and one thing they can feel with their bodies. 
• Create a calming corner. Together with your child, make a special space where they can go when they feel overwhelmed and need a place to slow down. It can be any quiet space in the house and can include books, blankets, pillows, journals, headphones, and other belongings that make your little one feel comfortable. 
• Try coloring or crafting. Doodling, coloring, painting, or playing with clay can help a child settle down from the day and feel more grounded in the moment, while also helping them to express themselves creatively.‍
• Build in movement breaks. It can be unrealistic to ask a child to sit still and focus for long periods of time, especially for those who are neurodivergent. If they’re having trouble focusing on a school project, try setting your timer for a 10-minute break so that they can get up and move around before returning to the task. 

Mindfulness activities and tools for teens: 

• Get out the puzzles. Jigsaw or word puzzles are a great way to get your teen off their screen and into the present moment. You can calm the environment even more by adding aromatherapy or relaxing music in the background.  
• Do a body scan together.  Showing your teen how to complete a body scan is another simple mindfulness activity. It’s as simple as bringing attention to various parts of the body for around 10 to 30 seconds, moving from the top of the head to the bottom of the feet. Notice any physical sensations like tingling, warmth, pain, pressure, or tension. You can tap into a meditation app to guide you as well. 
• Make time for box breathing. Imagine a box has four sides. Think about breathing in for 4 seconds, holding your breath for 4 seconds, letting out your breath for 4 seconds, holding for 4 seconds, and then doing it again 4 times. 
• Start a journaling practice. Gift your teen a journal of their own, along with fun pens, and let them know that this is their safe space to vent away. You can help them get started with prompts that encourage them to turn to the page anytime they’re feeling overwhelmed.  
• Dance it out. Movement is a great way for teens to get out pent-up energy. It’s also a perfect time for them to show off their carefully curated playlist for the entire family. 
• Build in time for refocus activities. Taking a 5 to 10-minute break can help teens focus on homework. Make a list of go-tos like going for a walk, listening to music, grabbing a snack, stretching, etc. 

Diving deeper into lack of focus

Most kids and teens will sometimes be disorganized, have trouble staying on task, or they’ll be hyper-focused on things they love, like video games or their favorite TV show, and have trouble listening. It’s totally normal! 

And while all kids can benefit from help in strengthening those skills, others may have more complex issues preventing them from finding their footing and confidence. 

{{journyngadlt="/blogcomponents"}}

Two potential causes lie in neurodivergence: ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) or Autism Spectrum Disorder. While the exact cause is unknown, we know that genetics, biology, and chemistry all play a role in how it develops and manifests.  At its heart, ADHD is a developmental impairment of the brain’s self-management systems, which control our executive functions.

Executive function and self-regulation skills are the mental processes that enable us to plan, focus attention, remember instructions, and juggle multiple tasks successfully. 

There are three types of ADHD:

Hyperactive/Impulsive 

Someone who has hyperactive ADHD is:

• Always on the go, jumping, climbing, and moving their body 
• Challenged by following directions
• Not a big fan of sitting still for long periods of time
• Fidgets with or taps hands or feet or squirms in seat
• Leaves seat when expected to be seated
• Runs about or climbs in inappropriate situations
• Unable to play quietly
• Talks excessively
• Blurts out answers before question completed
• Difficulty waiting their turn
• Likely to interrupt or intrude on others

Inattentive 

Someone who has inattentive ADHD is:

• Excellent at daydreaming 
• Often found getting lost in thought 
• Interested in many things
• Distracted by all the great ideas in their mind
• Inattentive 
• Fails to give close attention to details/makes careless mistakes
• Difficulty sustaining attention in tasks or play
• Often does not seem to listen when spoken to directly
• Often does not follow through on instructions and fails to finish work/tasks
• Has difficulty organizing tasks and activities
• Avoids or dislikes tasks that require sustained mental effort
• Often loses items necessary for tasks or activities
• Easily distracted by extraneous stimuli (including thoughts)
• Often forgetful in daily activities

Combined Presentation

Someone who has a combined presentation is: 

• very creative and intelligent
• forgetful
• quick but not always accurate in completing tasks 

With most neurodivergent children, early recognition, as well as behavioral, educational, and family therapies, may reduce symptoms and support development and learning. You can reach out to Bend to learn more about how you can best support your child. 

Practicing radical acceptance

Radical Acceptance is a mindfulness practice that involves accepting life and circumstances as they are, letting go of what you can’t control, and embracing your situation in a non-judgmental way — not resisting the way things are and what we cannot change. When we try to avoid difficult feelings like pain or disappointment, we can add to our suffering and also take away our opportunity for joy. 

That being said, you can accept your child’s behavior and still not agree with it! Modeling the behavior you want to see in your child is one of the best things you can do for them. You certainly don’t have to do this perfectly, but try showing your child a healthy way to navigate emotions through mindfulness. 

If you find yourself becoming overwhelmed by the onslaught of emails or the dinnertime demands, let your child know that you’re going to step away and do a deep breathing exercise or a few restorative stretches so that you can drop into your body and calm your nervous system. Remind them that mindfulness tools don’t just need to be used in times of stress — they're available to tap into daily for whatever life throws our way.

‍