Ways to support your anxious child right now

Experiencing worry or anxiety is natural, and it can help to warn us of dangers and motivate us to complete tasks. But when worries become overwhelming or interrupt the daily life of your child or teen, it’s important to begin to build coping skills that will help them to feel their best. 

Whether your child is experiencing anxiety every morning before school or they are worried about an upcoming birthday party, the team at Bend has evidence-based tools that they can turn to anytime they’re feeling overwhelmed. And if they could use a friend, let them know that our Bend Buddy Axe experiences anxiety too! 

Signs of anxiety in kids and teens 

Experiencing anxious thoughts or worry can look different in everyone, but here are some signs to look out for: 

• Irritability or change in mood
• Changes in sleep patterns or appetite
• Having difficulty concentrating
• Feelings of restlessness 
• Sweating or rapid breathing
• Physical aches or pains 

Top anxiety coping tools for kids and teens 

• Take good care of the body. Getting proper sleep, nutrition, and exercise can make a big difference in how a child feels. Drinking water is also key, as a lack of hydration can affect the body’s function and put you at risk for anxiety. Work with your child to develop a strong bedtime routine that allows for enough hours of sleep, and discuss which nutritious meals they’d like to help make for the week.
  
  
• Listen, validate, and empathize. Try asking your child open-ended, curious questions about a moment when they felt anxious. Give them your full attention, without interrupting or trying to fix their problem. Look for patterns or triggers, while letting them know that their feelings are valid and you are here to support them.
  
  
• Talk about unhelpful thoughts. Encourage your child or teen to notice when they hear that unhelpful voice inside their head, saying things like, “I’ll never pass the test” or “No one likes me.” Ask questions to get them thinking about their situation differently so that they can arrive at more realistic conclusions. Then, try helping them to flip these thoughts into more helpful ones like, “I studied for the test and I will do my best” or “My friends care about me and want to spend time with me.”
• Take time to track moods. Remind your kiddo that all feelings are valid. Give them permission to feel a range of things. Consider journaling, drawing out a picture, or looking at a feelings chart together so that they start to build an emotional vocabulary.
  
  
• Get creative. Spending time on a creative project can be a great way for a child to express themselves and reduce stress.
  
  
• Use role-play. If your child is feeling worried about a specific situation, like going to the dentist, practice walking through the scenario together so that they feel less alone and more prepared. 

• Practice deep breathing together. Simple breath work is a clinically-proven way to relax the body and mind, decrease heart rate, and lower stress levels. You can show your child how to put their hand on their belly and chest and to take deep breaths in through the nose, hold, and then out slowly through their mouth.
  
  
• Try a mantra. Help your child come up with a mantra that they can use whenever they start to feel anxious. You can have them use something like, “This will pass” or “I am safe” or another comforting, personalized mantra.
  
  
• Seek out support. Let your child know that they are not alone and many other people experience anxiety. Help them identify trusted adults that they can turn to when they’re feeling anxious. Consider reaching out to a mental health coach or therapist for added support. 

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Coping with panic attacks

An “anxiety attack” is something that usually occurs in response to certain stressors and can be a severe feeling of apprehension, worry, distress, or restlessness. It may build gradually and last for an extended period of time. 

In actuality, it is less of an “attack” and more of a “state of feeling.” Other symptoms that one might feel are shortness of breath, chest pain, heart palpitations, dry mouth, sweating, trouble sleeping, shaking or feeling dizzy. 

If your child is experiencing a panic attack, here are techniques you can try together: 

• Try box breathing. Breathing exercises can calm both the body and mind when we start to feel panicked. You can use a guided breathing exercise online or teach your child to try “box breathing” on their own. To practice box breathing, imagine a box that has four sides. Now inhale across one side of the “box” for four seconds, hold your breath for four seconds, and then release your breath for four seconds, hold for four seconds, and then repeat this four times.
  

• Connect with a calming scent. Have something that smells like lavender on hand and use it to practice deep breathing. This is a natural remedy that has been shown to reduce stress and help people relax.
  
  
• Close your eyes. If there is an external cause for panic, have your child close their eyes. This can help them block out what is causing the stress and give them time to figure out what to do next.
  
  
• Find a focus object. If they don’t want to close their eyes, help them find a focus object. It might be looking at a tree or a piece of art on the wall. If panic attacks happen often, have them carry a smooth rock or an object in their pocket that they can take out and focus on when they need it.
  
  
• Picture a happy place. Have them think of a place that is quiet, calm and relaxing. Have them imagine they are there and focus on the details. How would it feel, what would they see, what would they smell, and what would they hear?

Anxiety is a normal part of life, but it’s not always easy to recognize the difference between typical worries and anxiety disorders, especially in more stressful times. If you or your child feel worried often and it interferes with daily functioning, the team at Bend can help. Reach out to learn more about our customized support plans designed for you and your family.