Setting and sticking to boundaries for your mental health

Do you struggle with saying, “thanks, but no thanks” or avoid speaking up for yourself for fear of upsetting someone around you? If so, you’ve come to the right place! 

Setting and sticking to your personal boundaries is one of the most loving things that you can do for yourself and those around you. By taking the time to better understand and communicate your needs clearly, you can begin to foster healthier relationships with everyone around you, while also building self-trust. 

Ready to protect your energy, your time, and your peace? Read on for ways to finally set and stick to your own boundaries. 

What are boundaries? 

A personal boundary is a clearly defined limit that you can create between yourself and other people. Boundaries can help to protect your identity, keep you safe, and help you to live in alignment with your priorities and values. 

Having healthy boundaries helps us focus on what’s most important and can lead to a reduction in anxiety and guilt, while enhancing positive connections with others. 

Signs it may be time to set boundaries

• It’s difficult to say “no.” Does the thought of letting others down feel unbearable to you? Do you sometimes agree with others just to keep the peace? Or do you take on more than your fair share just to make others happy? While it may feel good to please others in the moment, it can eventually wear down the relationship because your needs aren’t being recognized. It’s important to take time to honor your values, rather than trying to be everything to everyone else.
  
  
• You struggle to find time for self-care. If you are unable to find time to get adequate rest, make yourself a nutritious meal, connect with people you love, or do other things that are important to you, it may be time to shift your priorities. Can you think of ways to say “no” to some of your commitments in order to take care of yourself? Remember self-care isn’t selfish, it’s crucial to your overall well-being.
  
  
• You can’t find a work/life balance. Are you having a tough time knowing when work ends and your personal life begins? If you’re feeling burned out, it may be helpful to turn off email notifications outside of work hours and reset professional expectations. 

Different types of boundaries

There are four different types of boundaries that you can establish to both empower yourself and create healthier relationships with everyone in your life.

• Physical boundaries: Protects your personal space, privacy, comfort with touch, and physical needs like rest, food, and water. Physical boundaries clearly define that your body and personal space belong to you.

• Material boundaries: Protects your resources and possessions, your right to extend your resources to others and determines whether you give or lend things.
  
  
• Emotional boundaries : Protects your right to have your own feelings and separates your emotions and responsibility for them from someone else’s.
  
  
• Time boundaries: Protects how you spend your time and stops you from agreeing to do things you don’t want to do.
  
  
• Mental boundaries: Protects your thoughts, ideas, values, opinions, and curiosity. 
  

How to establish your boundaries

• Take time to reflect on your values. It’s helpful to get clear on what’s especially important to you. Your values can include things like honesty, spending time with family, being adventurous, focusing on self-care, or being organized. Once you better understand what matters most to you, begin to look at ways that you can set boundaries to protect your values. For example, if you value time with family, can you set professional boundaries so that you leave the office at a certain time each day? 
  

• Communicate clearly. Once you’ve identified what matters most to you, consider areas where you can more directly communicate your needs. Give yourself permission to express what you are and are not comfortable with in different situations and try using "I" statements when sharing your boundaries. For example, you could say something like, “I feel overwhelmed when the dishes are left in the kitchen sink and could use some support in doing the dishes.”
  
  
• Track your emotions. Feeling resentful, unseen, or taken for granted? Take time to notice how you feel after certain interactions to determine what feels good for you and what isn’t working.
  
  
• Pause before committing. It may be tempting to immediately say yes to every request that comes your way, but try to take time to check in with yourself before automatically responding. A simple, “I’ll need some time to think about it - thanks for asking!” should do the trick. 

By advocating for needs, you’ll be able to clearly define and navigate how you want to show up in relationships with your friends, family members, and colleagues. It may be uncomfortable to implement and maintain boundaries at times, but they’ll ultimately benefit you and everyone around you. If you could use some support in setting and upholding boundaries, the team at Bend is here to help.

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