6 ways to teach your child gratitude this holiday season

Is your child busy drafting an endless holiday gift wish list? Are they claiming that all of their friends are getting phones, tablets, or whatever the other latest, greatest toy on the market is? As parents ourselves, we know how consumerism can quickly spin out of control! 

The thrill of receiving gifts can make it difficult for kids and teens to slow down and express appreciation for all that they have, but that doesn’t mean that they’re ungrateful or that you’re doing a bad job. We’re here to reassure you that with the right tools, you can foster a sense of gratitude and connection within your home this holiday season. 

Why gratitude matters 

As a parent, you likely know that the holiday season can be a time of overconsumption for all of us. Targeted ads, dazzling window displays, and gift exchanges can easily make us all more materialistic than usual. And all of this gifting can put budgetary strains on families, as well as stress on kiddos who just want more, more, more! 

By taking a realistic approach to gratitude, it is possible to reprioritize what matters most to your family this season, while having fun and spending less. Teaching your child gratitude can help them to feel happier, less anxious, more satisfied, and can lead to their ability to create more meaningful connections. 

Establishing your family values 

The holidays are a perfect time to come together as a family and focus on what really matters to you. Values are internal motivators that guide our behaviors and help form our attitudes. If you can identify your family’s values, it will make it easier for everyone to act in a way that aligns with those values. 

Establishing your family values together can be a great way to connect and get on the same page with everyone in your household over the holidays. You can think about values like a tree you plant to anchor yourselves as you navigate life. One fun way to get started is by creating a family values tree. Here are the steps:  

• Grab a pen, paper, and any art supplies you want to add a little creativity.
  
  
• Draw a tree and label these four categories as branches (or sections) of the tree: some text
  • Work/education: What is most important to you all when it comes to work, learning, and other fulfilling activities? 
  • Personal growth/health: What do you each value when it comes to your well-being and health? This can include religious/spiritual practices, wellness activities, giving back, creativity, nutrition, or movement.
  • Leisure/rest and relaxation: How much time and space do you want to make for leisure time? What do you need to make it happen? 
  • Relationships: What are your priorities when it comes to fostering healthy connections? This can include friendships, family time, building community, etc.
    
• Read through the sections and think of different values that are important to you all. Give everyone a turn to share, without interrupting, and write down the words or phrases that come to mind for each section or “branch” on the tree.
  
  
• Now that you better understand your collective values, take some time to discuss if you’re making decisions that align with your values. For example, if one of your values is “giving back,” get curious about how you can make a difference together this holiday season.

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Top ways to teach gratitude to your child or teen 

• Model gratitude. Instead of solely focusing on telling your child over and over again to “say thank you,” try showing them different ways to express gratitude. Our kids are always watching and learning from us, so demonstrate gratitude by sharing something positive that happened during your day, writing thank you notes, or telling someone in your family how glad you are to spend time with them.
  
  
• Discuss and set gift boundaries. This will look different for each family, but create space to talk through your limits and priorities together so that your child knows what to expect. Take time to hear their thoughts, make room for big emotions, and give them your full attention to express whatever comes up so that they feel heard and validated. It can be helpful to limit their ad exposure and stay away from toy unboxing videos. It can be helpful to normalize disappointment and make a plan together if they receive a gift that they don’t like, sharing the importance of kindness while also honoring their feelings. 

• Start a family gratitude ritual. Try incorporating some simple gratitude exercises into your existing routine. You can start a gratitude circle at the dinner table where everyone shares something they're thankful for or you can ask your child to share something they’re grateful for before bed or on the way to school. You can also ask your child to create a fun, silly ritual so that they feel empowered to make gratitude fun!
  
  
• Give back as a family. Is there a local organization or cause that you can support together? Consider volunteering to make meals, spend time with shelter animals, or clean up a park. You could write letters to those who could use some holiday cheer or donate toys and/or clothing that is no longer needed. Ask your child curious questions about how it makes them feel when they help out others so that they take time to reflect on the positive feelings that come along with giving back.
  
  
• Prioritize experiences together. Instead of gifting loads  of toys that will likely end up in the bottom of their drawers within a few weeks, try giving fun experiences that you can enjoy as a family. Is there an event that everyone would enjoy? Or a fun trip that you can take? You can put together a fun family picnic or a nature hike. Remember that you don’t have to spend money to have a good time together. 

• Help your child create a gratitude journal. Establishing a journaling habit can help your kiddo learn to express their emotions in a healthy way. Gratitude journaling just takes a few minutes each day, but it can make a big difference in how we feel. You can get started by having your child write down (or draw) what they are thankful for. At Bend, we like to use the JOY technique:
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• J is for joy - What is one thing that brought you joy?
• O is for others - What is one thing you can do tomorrow to bring joy to others? 
• Y is for you - What is one quality about yourself that you are grateful for?
  

Have them include the date at the top of each entry and encourage them to look back and reflect on all the positive things in their life from time to time. Encourage them to decorate the notebook with stickers and crayons to make it their own. Older kids and teens may prefer to use the computer or their phone notes for a gratitude journal. 

Remember that it can take time to get everyone focused on gratitude, so give yourself and your family space to do it imperfectly sometimes. The holidays can be a wonderful time of connection and celebration, but they can also be overwhelming as a caregiver. Be sure to reach out to the team at Bend if you could use extra support this time of year. We’re so grateful that you’re here!

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